Hollywood hurts too/2009 Review

I just finished a late late night reading session of People Magazine's "Yearbook 2010". Usually, I'll just stand in at the end of the self checkout line at 3 a.m. at Kroger and read the latest tales of the beings we tend to watch called "stars". I bought the People "Yearbook 2010" because there were some events in 2009 that I wanted to remember. 2009 was one of the best years for me vocationally in finding my niche in the restaurant world, but one of the worst in terms of relationships, spirituality, family life, friendships etc. 2010 seems to be tracking much the same way as I spent my off day today sleeping in and missing church, then sleeping in some more and then watching the Superbowl at the bar at work trying to pretend I was just a random joe drinking Jack and catching the game on Superbowl Sunday. It was nice to spend it with the people that I see everyday and not worry much about running around and making sure things were happening the way they're supposed to in the restaurant. That said, I felt lonely and forgotten. But, I'm not 13 anymore and I'm not going to dwell on those feelings that seem to come back and steal my focus on my off days. So, as all of that is still fresh on my mind, I read the year in review. I realized that the people of Hollywood feel lonely too. They have hurts too. So, what is so great about being famous? I used to yearn for fame so much and resent my parents for not being willing to financially support me running off to NY or LA to chase my dreams. Would I be a more fulfilled and happier person now? Probably not. Maybe my parents' fear that I'd end up hanging in some closet like David Carradine or overdosed in some hotel like DJ AM would have come true. Perhaps, I was never built to be able to handle Hollywood. I have been the most content with myself in the past year than I have been EVER. I am better at Restaurant Managing than most of the other endeavors I've pursued in my life. It won't ever make me famous. I find it less meaningful than my jobs teaching or working for churches. However, I feel like I'm in my own skin. I think. If I were to make it more meaningful, I would want to open up my own. I would want to do it with friends or family. . . neither of which has much interest in helping me run a business I fear. It reminds me of a line from the old 80's movie "Dark Crystal". The main character is about to embark on the biggest journey of his life and he comments,

Jen: Dear, dear master. I'll find the shard. I'm not ready to go alone...
[pause]
Jen: Alright. Alone then.

Later, he finds the love of his life, but only after he set out to be alone.

I really feel like I'm not ready to go alone. . .

Alright. Alone then.

Sigh. This writing thing isn't as cathartic as it used to be. It's February and I'm just now processing 2009. Guess I need to spend some time unpacking literally and figuratively. Anybody know of a good psychotherapist?