So many nights as the sun comes up

I feel like a failure for not finishing my one lonely beer in all of the past 3 hours since I got off work and went to bed. For all the phone calls I didn't make today. For all the life I didn't live. . . I am a restaurant manager. I love it and hate it. I hear many people in this biz respond to the question of well being with "LIVING THE DREAM!" Hrmph. . . It's almost six a.m. and I need badly to sleep before the morning is over.

I've been reading the Redline Project (how do you link again?. . . ah found it). It's quite inspiring and depressing for me. I wanted so badly in my life to be able to do something like that.

I need a project.

Do I have less time that other people? It sure seems that way. . . getting off at 3 a.m. and back at noon and off again at 1o p.m.

"Hey _____ ! Wanna hang out this week?"

"Sure! What time do you get off work?"

"Um. . . My early day is Wednesday. I get off at 10p."

"Oh, well. . . do you have a day off?"

"Sunday this week"

"Cool, well I guess I'll see you at church then."

"Yeah, I close Saturday night-- so hopefully I can get up."

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